The Domesticated Man Is Dangerous

A historical account of why women cannot be aroused when living in a society where men are wearing white socks and sandals.

A historical account of why women cannot be aroused when living in a society where men are wearing white socks and sandals.

Historically, the domesticated man is a relatively new phenomenon. He was first introduced to society during the hippie riot of the 1960s. This new type of man would usually come with a soft beard, a soft woollen sweater and would, in every possible way, be driven by soft feminine values. Not only would he look like a pipe cleaner, but he would also be spineless and flexible in ways that made it possible for any woman to wrap him around her finger.

The primary idea behind the domesticated man was to make men compensate for the way women had been oppressed by men in the past. According to the Bible, the woman was created in the image of man, but the domesticated man was created in the image of the woman. Naturally, this made women fall in love with him at first sight. For the first time in history, the two genders were able to join forces to act against the injustices that women had accepted for millennia. Unsurprisingly, the domesticated man became a huge success in most western cultures. Not only was this new kind of man capable of making money for his family, but he was also understanding, loving, caring and submissive. Besides that, he felt comfortable doing everything that had previously been defined as the duties of women. With his warm smile, his knitwear and his motherly presence, the domesticated man was the embodiment of what women had always longed for. In him, women found the opposite of all the macho ideals boys of the past had wasted their upbringing imitating — like the secret agent, the gunslinger, the gangster and the action- and superheroes. These fictional icons had previously given boys a distorted image of what it meant to have courage and strength. The domesticated man was superior to them all — primarily because he was brave and strong enough to not need to be brave and strong.

With a true domesticated man by her side, a woman no longer needed a Casanova, a gentleman, a macho man, mister Right, Prince Charming, an alpha-male, Buzz Lightyear, Superman and many other prehistoric male role models. Finally, women no longer had to put up with chauvinistic males opening the door for them, saving them from danger or paying the bill at a restaurant. Never again would a woman have to dress up in feminine and impractical clothes. Never again would she be subjected to something as degrading as being taken on the kitchen table by a man who could not control his sexual urges. However, in certain areas of the world, it was agreed that domesticated men would be allowed to ravish their wives or girlfriends over the kitchen table, but ONLY in emergency situations and ONLY if doing so was commanded by the woman.

Although the domesticated man was victorious in all Western countries for many years, it gradually turned out that not all women found him equally charming. Some regarded him as pathetic, and over time, more and more women realized that the domesticated man had significant constraints, especially when it came to his ability to seduce women, ravish them, or be the masculine counterpart that a woman sometimes needed to feel like a woman. In certain circles, women, therefore, started asking the following question: What can a woman do if one day she gets tired of the domesticated man’s softness and she needs a change or new inspiration?

In later years there have been numerous attempts to overthrow the dictatorship of the domesticated man. Still, no-one has been more successful than what the internet community called ‘The net-stockings society’. The net-stockings are a support group for women who have been harassed and traumatized by love, care and acceptance from domesticated men. With catchy slogans, the net-stockings movement is fighting for women’s rights to solely have the privilege of being weak and defenceless. In their manifesto, the initiators behind the movement are expressing a need for an armed riot against the tyranny of domesticated men.

“Long enough have we tolerated the domesticated man’s endless and fruitless sexual foreplay,” says the public spokeswoman of the community. “We are now stepping up to fight men who fill up bathroom shelves all over the world with their skin and hair care products! No longer will we accept being subjected to men who try to please women when we tell him what to think and how to behave! How is it possible to be feminine in a world where men are having weekly meetings in male-bonding-groups, where men spend more time than us going to antenatal classes and where men buy and read magazines about home decoration? How can we ever be sexually aroused in a society that encourages men to wear white socks and sandals? The domesticated man must be defeated by all means! It is a woman’s right to be the only one who promotes connection and care in the home while complaining about a man’s lack of presence in the family.

One of the first domesticated men. Credits: Danish Television

Women around the world must join forces to make this change. Only women should be able to ask for help when carrying heavy items, chopping firewood, repairing the car etc., and it should be a woman’s right to be supported by a firm hand when she walks in high heels — not the other way around. When it comes to home decoration, women should be the experts and a man should only contribute by using his cordless power screwdriver. If the tyranny of the domesticated man is allowed to continue, generations of women after us will never have the opportunity to be ravished or to live out their secret French maid fantasies. Therefore, let’s stand up and use our influence in business and in politics in order to — once and for all — eradicate the domesticated man. If the domesticated man is not stopped through force, we will risk our sons becoming hardcore metrosexuals who will want a gender change operation at the first sign of getting pubic hair. Long enough, have we allowed the domesticated man to copy our values and take what is rightfully ours. It is time for women around the world to put on their heels, lingerie and silk stockings and throw themselves into battle against jewelry and perfume for men. We need men to stop caring about their looks and we need to fight soft beards in all lengths and shapes. During our first attack wave, we will overthrow male dominance in the kitchen. The next stage of the operation, we will march into bathrooms all over the planet and break all the nose-hair-scissors we can lay our hands-on. At the third and final stage, we will launch a straight forward attack in the bedrooms. Here we will end the tyranny of the domesticated man by forcing him to tie us up and spank us until his softness is completely gone and we — after almost a generation of celibacy — are finally fully sexual satisfied and happy!”